You dated one girl back then. Then you two realized it wouldn't work. Now you're with someone else. This someone else is surely better for you than the former one -- at least, for the time being. Why?
Samuel Mulia's column in Kompas last Sunday was interesting. And explainable. He was shocked as one of his friends who had been with different dates told him that he (OK, I'm assuming gender here and onward; chances are, I'm simply wrong) was "never in this situation, i.e. never in love as much as this". And Samuel was puzzled: "Does that mean he didn't love the previous dates much enough?" Samuel sounded sorry for them: "Too bad, maybe those former dates falsely thought they were special, the chosen ones".
What you do now must be your best. At least for now. Otherwise you would not do it. Similarly, whom you are with now is your best pick. Otherwise you wouldn't have picked her. But why the change of hearts? Because you moved from your 'local neighborhood' -- far enough to find that you had been in a situation inferior to the current, new equilibrium. But why in some cases a guy comes back to the first one, after dating several others? Because that First One, as it turns out, is the guy's global optimum. Meaning, as far as he can search, she is simply his best.
So to Samuel's disappointment, the answer to his big puzzle is, yes. What his friend told him is not surprising at all.
But it always takes two to tango, you ask. Of course, your spouse or date is doing exactly the same to you, sorry.
In Samuel's story the telling guy was left by the girlfriend. He said: "I've given everything to her..." but "why did she just leave me like that?". The answer should be simple: He's just not good enough for her. For the time being.
Correct me if I'm wrong, pak Aco, but isn't it just your run-of-the-mill case of loss aversion? People in relationships suffer from the endowment effect, where they value their current girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse more highly than everyone else does, at least at first. And then, if/when the relationship ends, because of this endowment effect, they feel that they have lost much more than they actually have, and thus they fall into this deep pit of misery. But, after a while, the endowment effect ends and they realize that their ex-girlfriend wasn't that great after all.
ReplyDelete-Taufik Indrakesuma
P.S. just wanted to sneak in some blatant advertising for a new blog by FEUI students, inspired by blogs like these. Not much in it right now, but please read and comment =)
Fik, first off, congratz for your blog. It's awesome!
ReplyDeleteEndowment effect approach is one good way for you to analyze why willingness-to-pay is different with willingness-to-accept (contact me if you want good readings on this, but I bet you have found them, judging from your blog that you're into behavioral econ). As for Samuel's story, standard utility theory still suffices.
Thanks, salam buat Eisha dan Rizki.
We need to have some kind of power to budget-discipline as limiting money spent with, and equal for, any choices. The best is the one with the most enjoyment as love, affection and emotion can be then rated.
ReplyDeletesorry after i read back i think some may interpret differently. i just wanted to say that in searching for the best we don't have to spend too much in one person. not just money but also feelings.
ReplyDeleteAnymatters, I agree with you. Love is a risky business. Calculate it.
ReplyDelete